Lessons learned from life.

(Just things that I have been thinking and striving to work on. If I write it down I may live it)

I have been thinking a lot lately about life and the lessons I could be learning at this point in my life. I am not exactly where I thought I would be in life. I am gaining more understanding of what it means to be married to Devan. I am learning that I didn't just marry him, he came with his daughter (whom he loves very much), his ex, and his own family. We have a complicated family. It doesn't make it any easier that I have not bonded with Audrey yet. She is a difficult child for me. I never realized how hard it would be to be a step-mother. To only have a child in our lives every other weekend (a total of 48hrs to be exact) is very hard because we have such different expectations of her then the rest of the people in her life have of her. It is a losing battle we are fighting, and need to learn away to accept the facts and still hold to our values and beliefs about parenting.

As I talk to people about our struggles, there is no one right way to think, feel, or do things. Our feelings are our feelings, we are the only ones who can control them. It is so easy to blame other people for our feelings, attitude, and actions. As human beings we want to be right. We want other people to understand how we feel, to be fair, to be respectful. It doesn't matter if they understand how we feel. The important part is that we understand why we feel the way we do, control our feelings, and be logic about our actions. Letting feelings control our actions is such an easy way of living, but to become Christ-like we must control them and act like Christ. As my dad always tells me, "Be the bigger person". That is so difficult for me, there are so many times that I want to and do act like a child by saying exactly what I feel and think.

We are going through some difficult times just like everyone does. It is teaching me that my parents are right. They are filled with so much knowledge and wisdom. There have been so many times that I have called them both, in tears. They have both been so willing to hear me out, complain, and express my frustrations. They validate my feelings and then give me counsel and guidance as I calm down and ask for it. And most often it is "Be the bigger person", "Read your scriptures", "Pray". How could I ask for better parents at the age of 29 :)

Through their example I am learning that leaning on the Lord is the only way to get through life happily. And at times that can be hard, especially when you have gone your own way for so long. But I know that the Lord wants all of us close to Him. He is constantly blessing our lives, hoping that one day we will realize that He is helping and very aware of all of us. He wants us to act on it, by praying, reading our scriptures, and serving others. In doing these things we draw closer to Him, become more like him, and are a happier people.