Realizations

Over the last week I was talking to one of my wonderful friends. She made a comment I have not been able to forget and continue to return to it. She is a person who knew me when I first got married. She was a neighbour in our 8-plex. The first time I remember really talking to her was when she brought over a welcome gift. We didn't become friends and I always wondered why. She moved away, and moved back to the neighbourhood at the beginning of this year. We became good friends as we started a playgroup together and found we both had an interest in sewing. Some time this past week I made a comment that I have struggled with building relationships in our ward. Her response was, "Well. the first time I met you, you acted as if you didn't want to be friends or needed friends." This comment took me back a bit. I was actually shocked. Devan and I were newly weds. Maybe I did have the aurora that I had a husband so I didn't need girlfriends. I can tell you know, I pray that I still don't have that attitude about me. Friends are have become my life savers. They have helped keep my sanity. And I am always looking for more relationships to build.

There was awhile, and I suppose still do, wonder how to rid that aurora about me if I still have it. Is it because I have a low self-esteem? Too prideful? Too independent? The last 2 1/2yrs have been rough. Devan and I have gone through tons of learning experiences. I have been humbled tremendesley. I hope I don't make anyone else feel like I don't need friends or want them. I also realize there will be people who don't like me, and I kow I won't enjoy everyone's company as well. Life is a lot more difficult and rewarding then I ever imagined.