It's April Already!!??

This year is absolutely blowing past me like none other. I can not believe it is already April. March was wonderful. Freddy and I were able to spend two weeks with my family in Oregon. Most of our time was spent with my mom and Mike. I worked on a wall hanging that is just about done, sleep and relaxe. Freddy was able to see most of his cousins, the Bessenbachers, Winders, Browns, and Hazeltons. He had so much fun trying to keep up with his two boy cousins, Charlie who is 2yrs older,and Sam, who is one year older. I really wish he lived closer so he could have a real relationship with them. While in Oregon Fred learned how to jump with both feet leaving the ground. Since then he hasn't stopped jumping. Grandma bought him a box filled with puzzels. He amazed us the first time I showed them to him. He quickly caught the concept and was able to put the two piece puzzles together by himself. Each day he makes me realize that he is not  little baby any more. He is a little boy with a brain that is a sponge. He LOVES to learn, explore, and experience new things. And he is able to grasp new concepts very quickly.

It has been hard for me to see him grow up. In the last month or so, he has made leaps and bounds in speaking, understanding, reasoning. He has gotten taller. His personality is shining through. He is his own little person. Emotions have become a fascination. I have been very emotional lately, and every time he sees me cry he will walk up to me, point to my tears and say "Sad." What makes me laugh is that he has a smile on his face most of the time when he says it. Like he is proud of acklowdging an emotion. He is also empathizing more. Oh my goodness, he has been exploring singing lately. During church he insists on having his own hymn book each time we sing. And he sings!! I think it is the most precious thing. A couple of weekends ago during church, a young lady sang a musical number. Freddy started singing quit loudly, so we quielty hushed him. He looked at me with the saddest look and started crying. He really wanted to sing.

Not many people know this, but we have been trying for awhile to get pregnant. And we have not been successful. It has been....continues to be hard for me. Freddy is very interested in babies. He pretends to feed his lion, helps him dance, walk, and puts him to sleep. My heart aches as I watch him, I can't stop myself thinking what a wonderful brother he would be to an infant sibling. Just a week ago I discovered a job that I could apply for. It is for 20-29hrs/wk working with families in thier homes. A job very similiar to what I was doing before I had Fred. At first I was very excited about it. After talking to Devan, he reminded me that the reason why we moved to Vernal is so that I could stay home with Fred. I was reminded that I want to be the best mom I can be to Fred, and wife to Dev. I can only do that if I am home full time. And even then I still struggle.